He had one of those small greek statue penises
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In other news, I just burned my penis
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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