i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
