i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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