wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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