when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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