Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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