I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
