I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
