its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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