there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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