I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
