party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
