Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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