Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
