at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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