Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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