i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
