Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
