Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
