Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
