I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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