32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
