the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
