Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
