i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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