Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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