did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
