Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
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