He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
