i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
