At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
