I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
