Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Acid is not a monday night drug
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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