I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
