I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
