i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
