If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
