well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
