She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
