We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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