i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My feet surprised me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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