YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
