he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Life is so much better after having sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
