I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
