not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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