dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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