Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
