Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
