i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm always down for nudity.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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