the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
