I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
